Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
