All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
