I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
