he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i will never coherently bang her
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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