he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
