absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
