Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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