I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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