Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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