my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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