please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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