Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
