I am puke
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you will always have a special place in my vag
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize