i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
