I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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