I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
