i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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