once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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