I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
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