Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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