Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
its liver damage thursday
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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