We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
