Farmville is her only friend.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize