I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Verdict: uncircumcised.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize