the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize