Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
