So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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