When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
