I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
