its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
