Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
