Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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