Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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