I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
