i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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