It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
