Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Shame - the story of my life.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
