Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
