Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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