If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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