we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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