New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
