You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
