I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
