Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
