so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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