omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
