Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize