Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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