Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
