im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize