I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
