dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
