How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
