Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
