i just had sex bonerless
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
