Screwed.edu
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i came on her dog
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
