Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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