I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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