You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
