Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
