As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize