My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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